Emotional Check-Ins: Naming or Shaming

Many SEL classrooms use daily emotional check-ins where students are asked to publicly name how they feel—often by placing their name under an emotion, colour, or emoji. The goal is positive: to help students build emotional awareness and to help teachers know which students may need more attention or support. However, this is a public act, not a private reflection. Even when participation is optional, when most of the class takes part, it may not feel that way. As a result, students may feel obligated to participate. While well-intentioned, public emotional check-ins may not be helpful and can potentially be harmful to some students.

Name It to Tame It

Affective labelling is the practice of recognizing and naming one’s emotions. It is an important and beneficial skill. Being able to accurately identify one’s feelings is an important first step in processing them. In addition to bringing clarity, labelling emotions can help us accept them. Affective labelling is a foundational SEL skill that also has the added benefit of helping people process uncomfortable feelings. This skill is sometimes referred to as “name it to tame it.” So what’s the problem with doing this in class?

One concern is the public nature of emotional check-ins. Another foundational idea in social-emotional learning is that there is no such thing as a bad feeling— all feelings are valid. However, when young people come to class and most of their peers label themselves as happy, calm, or ready to learn, a hidden curriculum can emerge: that something is wrong with those who are not. Even explicitly telling students this isn’t true may not be enough. While well-intentioned, we may have turned “name it to tame it” into “name it to shame it,” leaving students confused and upset as they wonder why their peers seem fine and they are not. As a result, students may not label their feelings honestly, instead choosing “happy” while privately wondering why something feels wrong with them.

Some may argue that when students see peers check in as sad or angry, it helps normalize those feelings. This may be true, but once this information is shared publicly, what happens next? Do we continue with the lesson without addressing those feelings, or do we stop everything to respond to them? For teachers, this can be challenging. Teachers are helpers and problem solvers, so when a student is struggling with an uncomfortable feeling, we may feel compelled to drop everything to fix it. However, when we do this, we can unintentionally reinforce the idea that uncomfortable feelings are bad or wrong and need to be fixed. This is the opposite of what we want to teach, which is that all feelings matter and are part of being human.

Another option is allowing students to opt out. However, do all students who want to opt out actually do so? Do some opt in for the wrong reasons? Attention from teachers, peer approval, or other external motivators are not good reasons to share uncomfortable feelings. Problems arise when emotional naming becomes public, repetitive, required, or framed around positive versus negative emotions. In these situations, students naturally begin to compare themselves to others. In a class of 28 students, when most names are placed under “happy” or “good” and one or two appear under “sad,” “angry,” or “stressed,” an unspoken message can emerge: everyone else is okay, so what is wrong with me?

The Implicit Message About Happiness

Daily emotional check-ins can unintentionally suggest that happiness is the norm and that feeling good is expected. When discomfort is treated as unusual or concerning, students may begin to believe that stress, sadness, frustration, or anxiety mean something is wrong with them. This framing can pathologize normal human experiences rather than helping students learn how to live alongside them.

All feelings are valid, and over the course of a day, students will have many different feelings. Being happy does not mean only having comfortable feelings all the time. Being human means experiencing the full range of emotions. I am yet to see a school check-in where most students don’t identify as having a positive, happy feeling, and even I have wondered “why am I not happy?” The truth is, over that course of the day, all of the students will experience a variety of emotions, and this does not mean they are not happy. In the RAD framework, we replace being happy with “Living a RAD life.” This emphasizes that only experiencing comfortable thoughts or feelings is not possible, and that experiencing a variety of emotions, even uncomfortable ones, is okay. Even when our feelings are difficult, we can still do the things that are meaningful to us.

Alternatives to Public Check-ins

There are several alternatives to public emotional check-ins that may address these concerns. One option is to make check-ins private, optional, and unscheduled. Students who want to share can do so on their own terms, and those who do not are not pressured to participate. However, students also need skills to support this kind of self-reflection.

Instead of treating affective labelling as the goal, we can teach it as a skill. Classroom time can be used to teach students how to recognize and accept their emotions rather than struggle with them. In addition, we can help students identify what is important to them—their values—and teach skills to take actions aligned with those values. These skills support self-management, helping students feel confident seeking help when needed or persevering independently. Importantly, these skills can be taught without requiring students to publicly disclose their most uncomfortable feelings or their hardest days.

Final Thoughts

The purpose of SEL is not to sort students by emotion. It is to help them build skills such as awareness, flexibility, and self-management. Shifting away from public emotional check-ins reduces comparison, removes pressure to label emotions, and allows students to practice skills that support meaningful action.

When SEL focuses primarily on naming feelings, students may learn how to label emotions or perform emotional honesty, but they may not develop the skills that support long-term social-emotional competence, including:

• Self-awareness

• Self-management

• Social awareness

• Relationship skills

• Responsible decision-making

How RAD can Help

RAD (Recognize–Accept–Do) supports emotional awareness without comparison or shame. RAD helps students recognize thoughts and feelings, accept them as part of the human experience, and do what is important to them. The lessons teach core SEL skills in a way that does not require public emotional disclosure or emotional performance.

This skill-based approach uses videos, worksheets, and extension activities to help children develop skills they can apply to their own lives when they are ready. Rather than focusing solely on identifying students who are struggling, RAD provides teachers with a practical framework to build shared understanding and nurture developing social-emotional skills so children can thrive.

A free 7-day trial is available at RADforlife.com. After that, RAD is only $10 per year. RAD SEL lessons: easy, affordable, and effective.