Motivational Interviewing for School Refusal and Absenteeism- What it looks like

Part 2

Using Motivational Interviewing for School Refusal

In Part 1, we introduced motivational interviewing as a conversational style that can help support students experiencing school refusal. MI emphasizes partnership, respect for autonomy, and drawing out a student’s own motivations for change rather than trying to persuade them.

But what does this actually look like in practice?

A common challenge for educators is that students who are refusing school are often not ready to talk about the problem directly. They may shut down, change the subject, or simply say “I don’t know.” When asked about their absenteeism.

Motivational interviewing takes a different approach.

When a student is not ready to talk, the goal is not to force the conversation forward. Instead, the focus shifts to building connection and lowering resistance. The teacher’s role is to create a safe conversational space where the student feels heard rather than pressured.

This is where the spirit of MI becomes especially important. Partnership, acceptance, compassion, and evocation guide how we respond when a student is reluctant to engage.

Below is a simple example of what this might look like.

What it looks like with student absenteeism

A student has been missing several days of school. When they do attend, they seem withdrawn and disengaged- not ready to talk. A teacher manages to catch them in hall to chat.

Teacher: Hey, good to see you. How are things?

Student: I don’t know.

Teacher: Kind of hard to put into words right now.

Student: Yeah.

Teacher: You made it today.

Student: I had to.

Teacher: Didn’t really feel like a choice?

Student: No.

Teacher: What made today the day you came in?

Student: I don’t want to get in trouble.

Teacher: Staying out of trouble matters to you.

Student: Yeah.

Teacher: What else, if anything, makes it a bit easier to come in?

Student: My friends I guess.

Teacher: Your friends are a big part of it.

Student: Yeah.

Teacher: So even though it’s been tough to get here, there are a couple things that still make it worth it.

Student: I guess.

Teacher: Sounds like part of you wants to stay away, and another part sees some reasons to come.

Student: Yeah.

Teacher: Well it was great talking to you. Would it be okay if we checked in again tomorrow?

Student: Sure.

Practical Application: What’s happening in this Conversation

At first glance, not much. It’s a short, simple exchange. There’s no big breakthrough, no plan, no dramatic shift in behaviour.

But from a Motivational Interviewing perspective, something important is happening beneath the surface.

The teacher is not trying to convince the student to come to school more often. They are not reminding them of expectations or consequences. Instead, they are doing something different: they are trying to understand the student’s perspective and draw out the student’s own reasons for change.

When the student says, “I had to come,” the teacher doesn’t argue or correct. They reflect it back: “Didn’t really feel like a choice.” This shows the student they are being heard, which helps reduce resistance and keeps the conversation going.

As the conversation continues, the teacher begins to listen for and highlight change talk. When the student says, “I don’t want to get in trouble,” and later, “My friends I guess,” these are small but important statements. They are reasons for coming to school. Rather than moving past them, the teacher reflects and reinforces them: “Staying out of trouble matters to you,” and “Your friends are a big part of it.”

Over time, these small statements begin to build. The student starts to hear their own reasons out loud. This is a key idea in motivational interviewing: people are more likely to change when they hear themselves argue for change.

The teacher also names the student’s ambivalence: “Part of you wants to stay away, and another part sees some reasons to come.” This is important because many students are not simply unmotivated—they are pulled in two directions. By acknowledging both sides, the teacher avoids a power struggle and creates space for the student to think.

Finally, the conversation ends without pressure. There is no demand for commitment. Instead, the teacher simply asks to check in again. This keeps the relationship intact and leaves the door open for future conversations.

From the outside, it may look like a brief, casual interaction. But in reality, the teacher is doing several things at once:

• building a partnership

• reducing resistance

• highlighting motivation

• and setting up the next conversation

That’s a meaningful shift. It moves the reader from “what should I say?” to “what should I listen for?”—which is much closer to how MI actually works.

A Second Conversation: Moving Toward a Plan

The next day, the teacher checks in again.

Teacher: Hey, good to see you again. How did it go getting here today?

Student: It was okay. I almost didn’t come.

Teacher: Part of you still didn’t want to come.

Student: Yeah.

Teacher: But you made it.

Student: Yeah.

Teacher: What helped you come in today?

Student: I don’t know… I just didn’t want to miss everything again.

Teacher: Staying connected matters to you.

Student: Yeah. It’s annoying trying to catch up.

Teacher: You’d rather stay on top of things than keep playing catch-up.

Student: Yeah.

Teacher: Yesterday you mentioned your friends too.

Student: Yeah.

Teacher: So staying out of trouble, your friends, and not falling behind—those are all reasons you’re coming in.

Student: I guess.

Teacher: Where does that leave you right now? What do you think your next step is?

Student: I don’t know… just try to come more I guess.

Teacher: Trying to come more regularly.

Student: Yeah.

Teacher: What might help with that?

Student: Maybe just getting up earlier… I usually just stay in bed.

Teacher: Getting up earlier could make it easier to get here.

Student: Yeah.

Teacher: How does that feel for tomorrow?

Student: I think I could do it… maybe.

Teacher: Something you could probably do—even if it’s not easy.

Student: Yeah.

Teacher: What might make it a bit easier?

Student: Maybe if I text my friend so we walk together.

Teacher: Walking in with your friend could help.

Student: Yeah.

Teacher: You mentioned getting up earlier. Would it be okay if I shared something that’s worked for other students?

Student: Sure.

Teacher: Some people set an alarm and put their phone across the room so they have to get up to turn it off.

What do you think of that?

Student: That might actually help.

Teacher: It sounds like that could work for you.

Teacher: Sounds like you’ve got something to try—getting up earlier and connecting with your friend.

Student: Yeah.

Teacher: Want to check in tomorrow and see how it went?

Student: Sure.

What’s happening in this conversation?

This second conversation builds directly on the first—but there is a subtle shift.

The teacher is still not persuading, correcting, or directing the student. The tone remains collaborative. The student is still somewhat unsure. But compared to the first conversation, the student is now saying more about wanting things to be different. That shift matters.

What is most important in this exchange is not just what the teacher says—it is what the teacher is listening for and choosing to respond to.

Throughout the conversation, the teacher is listening carefully for change talk—small statements that suggest the student is beginning to see reasons to attend school more regularly.

When the student says, “I just didn’t want to miss everything again,” the teacher hears a concern about falling behind. When the student adds, “It’s annoying trying to catch up,” the teacher recognizes frustration with the current situation. These are not dramatic statements, but they are important. They are the beginnings of motivation.

Rather than moving past these moments, the teacher stays with them. They reflect and connect the ideas, helping the student hear their own thinking more clearly. Over time, those small statements begin to build.

As the conversation continues, the change talk becomes stronger. The student says they can, “Just try to come more I guess,” and then begins to suggest possible next steps like getting up earlier or walking with a friend. At this point, the student is no longer just describing the problem—they are beginning to describe change.

The teacher’s role here is subtle. They are not creating motivation. They are recognizing it and giving it space to grow.

Only after these reasons and ideas are clearly present does the conversation begin to move toward planning. Even then, the teacher does not take over. They ask simple questions like “What might help with that?” and “What might make it a bit easier?” so the student continues to generate their own ideas.

At times, teachers may have useful strategies to offer. For example, a teacher might suggest setting an alarm and placing the phone across the room so getting up is required to turn it off. In motivational interviewing, this kind of advice is not avoided—but it is handled carefully. The teacher would first ask permission and then offer it as one option, returning the decision to the student. In this way, even when ideas are shared, the ownership of the plan remains with the student.

There is also a quiet but important moment when the teacher asks, “How does that feel for tomorrow?” This allows the teacher to gauge readiness without making the conversation feel formal or clinical. It keeps the interaction grounded in a real classroom context.

By the end of the conversation, a plan has emerged. It is simple and tentative, but it is specific and student-generated. Just as importantly, the teacher has reinforced the student’s own reasons for change along the way.

This is what the planning stage of motivational interviewing can look like in practice. It is not about delivering the right advice. It is about listening for motivation as it appears, and shaping the conversation around it.

In more structured settings, teachers may use more formal tools—such as scaling questions—to explore readiness and strengthen commitment. Those tools can be powerful, and we will look at them next in part 3. However this example shows that even in brief, informal conversations, teachers can support meaningful movement toward change by paying close attention to what students are already telling them.